Well I've not long got back from the smack shop and I've had a great chat today with my worker. I didn't think I needed it today, but its certainly given me an unexpected lift? I didn't realise that it has only been two months and one day since my first appointment?! September the 18th when I first went there to sort myself out?
It seems like so much longer? At least 6-7 months of going? Two months I really can't believe that?! So that means that only 2 months ago I was at the height of my addiction, smoking up to £30.00 a days worth easily and having Meth on top and the odd bit of crack for a 'treat' every now and again?! That's crazy!!
I don't ever think how far i have come, I always just focus on getting through each day and everyday is a battle still. But now its been pointed out, I do feel slightly amazed!
Two months ago i could only have dreamed of being as I am now, it seemed like such an impossible target?
I still have a lot of issues in my head to resolve, but I will gradually learn to accept the things i can not change and deal with the things I want to change? I look back to where I was a year ago and I wonder not only how did I fall into that kind of lifestyle but how I managed to crawl out?
I had a double life, a side that no-one knew about and still no-one knows the extent I went to until I decide to disclose it on here? It was hard work and I still wonder what it was I was trying to run away from? What was it that drove me on a mission to follow that lifestyle and seek escape?
Tomorrow I'm going to add some of my diary entries from last year as it was about this time that I made a pledge to myself to give up, and I did for ten whole days.....
For now though I'm going to go home and think about just how far I have pushed myself over the last eight weeks and analyse the journey so far?
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2 comments:
No you are not a pain in the arse. I find that the best people to work with challenge (hopefully positively)one's own views and perspectives. That every time someone works with a person, the (so called) professional, if they are worth their salt, not only gives a bit of themselves, but also learns more, adding to their practice. The survivor MUST come first at all times, the survivor must never know much of the worker. The reason being is that ONE person is the focus - the survivor At all times the survivor comes first, second and third.
I know that you can take much from this experience. As Neizche says "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger".
And anyway, the reason knitting couldn't be talked about is because it was a drug service, not a knitting service. :-)
ps trainspotting was crap, try the naked lunch by william burroughs;
Hearing your story, watching it unfold as the days go by and the struggles you go through emerge is inspiring.
I only wish others could take heed from your experience.
You are stronger than you could ever believe darling.
Well done.
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