Trust progress and results

I went to see the Doctor today and she was really pleased with my progress. My sample was negative (as expected) and as a result she gave me a months worth of prescription, and i don't have to be supervised anymore, I get to go and collect my meds twice a week now.

I had a long chat with my drug worker, I talked to him about the issues I'm struggling with and how I could deal with them? What changes I need to make and triggers I need to be aware of?
He says I'm doing all the right things, people usually take a few weeks longer to pick these things up but I've taken control from the start.... Well that's what I'm in this for... change.

I got a lot from today's session, its better talking to people who really know what they are talking about because not only can they recognise where I'm coming from, but they can also explain things to me in a way that i can relate to?

I've learnt today that I may be doing all that I can, and I may know where I want to be, but I can't do all the work myself. Other people have to work through this with me and they will take their own time to do so, but all i can do in the mean time is keep on keeping on. After all I'm doing this for me, so it doesn't matter how long it takes for other people to move on?
I can understand why people would be reluctant to trust someone in my position,but i think you should assess each person individually and focus on each positive aspect as a step forward.

I'm staying on my 6mg for now, I didn't feel ready to drop down just yet, if i did I know i would be setting myself up for a fall. I need my mind to be completely ready before i try and decrease otherwise I will fall to temptation I know it.

If i picture my old way of like as a dark fog and my new life, where I want to be as a bright light fog, I know i am still standing in the midst of patchy fog. Sometimes i have a step into a clear patch and sometimes I have a foot in the murky bit? I don't know why I feel so negative about things at the moment?

I think that I built myself up for so long, waiting for the 15th of October, so I could start the tablets, then I did it, i went through hell to get all the badness out my body, then the tablets started to kick in, and suddenly I felt unusually well which was pleasantly novel?
But now I think the enormity of what Ive took on has started to hit me? Its not just a week or two that's going to be disrupted, its a week or two that takes the brunt of what I'm doing but this is something that is going to be a massive influence on my life for the for-see able future yet, and i just want it behind me?

I certainly feel a whole lot better since i spoke with my drug worker? He seems to have cleared the smudges that were blurring my window? I feel like a ball of emotions and energy and i just don't know what i want to do with myself? When i do find something to focus on i know i will give it 100% and some and it will be great, but for now i don't know what it is?

I'm frustrated because i know how i want things to be but they aren't happening fast enough, but if they did happen just like that it wouldn't work out in the long run?
I need something to distract me, I keep saying it but i know that's the answer! Ive got so much inside to give to something, mentally, emotionally, physically, i can feel it all charging round, that's whats bringing me down. no outlet for all this inner zellop (that's my word for what it is i don't know?!)

My relationship with 'miss Heroin' is over, but just like when you finish with a partner you have to adapt your whole lifestyle. Now I've suddenly got so much space in my life (almost a void) that I wasn't prepared for. That's whats making it hard for me to cope right now? I know i will get through it, its just the initial adapting period? I wonder if this will ever be truly over or if there will always be a tiny part of me trapped in this?