Day four.....&im better!!!!

Well its now Thursday, so its my forth day in, however many hours clean i don't know&am beyond counting now because i feel quite great and past dying?!

I wrote a little yesterday&then went out for a little while and i don't know if it was the fresh air or what but i felt loads better, still a bit uneasy but so so so so much better. I even had some tea?! (pie&chips&gravy) but i were dreading the night-noway could i have gone through another night like the last, so i did something a little bit naughty.... i acquired some more subutex from a friend, so that should i start to feel rough through the night i could tide myself over with them.

We have come to the conclusion, between myself my "carers" the pharmacist and my drug worker that the best idea will be to split my dose into two daily lots of 4mg because 8mg at once was just making me puke and i weren't getting that much into my system. Yesterday i puked more than the other day so i don't know how much i had actually taken? because i had already been given my prescription the clinic couldn't give me any more, hence why i went and acquired some..... so that should i need them to carry me through the night then i at least had the choice?

As it happens i didn't have anything extra yesterday, not even any paracetamol?! Which was defiantly a marked improvement as i seemed to have lived off nothing but tablets and love these last few days? (&god bless robinsons orange squash-much nicer when not regurgitated)

So i slept like a baby last night.... i have found one odd side effect from all this.... my ears are So sore?! its just from being laid down for such a long while, but they kill!! Even now, my right ear is throbbing!

But the good news is i have certainly turned a corner for the better. I cant believe how much better i feel from Monday. Today i feel almost normal, actually i think i feel better than normal, i feel quite energetic, the day has passed at a normal rate, rather than the last three days that have been so incredibly slow. Tortuously slow. Antagonistically slow? is that right? Evilally slow..?
but not today...
this morning I had breakfast (not much it tasted funny-) and i had a shower (all my myself!) I got dressed in real clothes, out my makeup on and put Real shoes on! (heels-not trainers!) Then we went to boots, i had half my tablets crushed&i took them all like a big girl, without being sick?! haha! then we had a walk round the market and the shops, we went to a coffee shop &had coffee&cookies. It was lovely! We had a look at christmas stuff... I cant wait to be christmas shopping!! I bought a couple of things to day, nothing much but just a few bits? It was nice to just have the choice of buying something?

so yes i feel great today, ive just had a sandwich, thats 2meals-ish in a day already, iv been to town, ive been to tescos, im going back into town soon, im going to see my drug worker in a little while and then im going to take my son to his kick-boxing lesson?! (God i hope i haven't forgot how to drive? i drove about 500 yards yesterday and i were shit! HA!)

I am a million times better than i were thats for sure? Even i am amazed at how soon i felt better? I couldn't have done it on my own thats for sure, i seriously thought i was going to die the first night? And i didn't feel good the second day? or the third really? although i was massively better? So whats to say now?

Well first its a huge huge huge huge thank-you to my family and friends who have looked after me. Ive already been pre-booked as first choice for geriatric arse wiper when they all grow old as return of thanks?!

And if any-one is "dabbling" then just think carefully. I was warned and warned and warned, and i did have some control for sometime... don't believe those people who say that you lose all control the second you try it because you don't. You lose control when you find your "want" being replaced with a "need" even then if you see it early doors you can rough it out and stay away, i did that last year, it weren't nice but it was a hell of a lot easier than this way?!Being a full time addict is hard work-its like having a full time job trying to score everyday! &if you can't....its even more awful!! theres nothing to aspire to from it?! The actual feeling from having gear may be nice but its not worth suffering like that for?! I should know?!

I chose this way because i wanted to be off it for good and proper, if i had chosen METH i would have used on top, i know so because i used to buy both? Now, if i used it would have no effect so id be wasting my time and money? And also ive got this experience to remind me never to even try? It was defiantly kill or cure for me with this?!

Now i just gotta get off the medication and then im sorted, my drugs worker reckons about a year till im clean clean clean? i say February? I'll be off my Subis by Feb? Lets see hey?! I'll probably nearly kill myself in the process again, but im not one to be proved wrong?! Ha!

Right im off for now. Ive got real things to do?! How exciting! Thank-you every-one for all your comments, to be honest they didn't really mean much till today when im not so brain dead? I've been waiting for the messages that say - suffer you dumb-ass junkie scum- but so far i've had none which has been fantastic, thank-you.

I've done this, not for sympathy but for almost educational reasons because we are all quick to judge and sometimes we know nothing about what we are judging, so i wanted people to see from the inside exactly how it is, how hard it is and how its got to be the user not the family/friends who is ready to give up? So if you know someone like me, give them all your support, however hard, because its only that thats got me through this?!