The beginning of the end

Today i have been to see my counselor. im now one week away from starting on proper medication....
It wasn't that easy to get to where i am today?
First i had to realise i had a problem, which was pretty easy for me?
Then i had to admit i had a problem..
which was easy to do for myself but admitting that i had a problem to other people was a whole lot more difficult.... who do you trust to tell that kinda thing to?
For me it was my boss....
Yep, but hes also my best friend so that helps?
Anyway i told him, he decided to get me clean his way, which basically involved locking me away from the world for a week or so..... Any bright sparks who know someone who is addictted and wants to help them- dont do this?!! Its a crazy idea!! its serious proper illness stuff, not Eastenders stuff!!
Anyhow, after 3days he realised this and i had to give in and go see a professional, my doctor was great and referred me to the local drugs clinic, i got in that day rather than having to wait they 5months that other people have to wait....
so i had an assessment that day and three weeks later i was appointed a drugs counselor whom i now see on a weekly basis.... next monday i will be going to see a proper drugs doctor who is going to prescribed me subutex. This will gradually build up in my system and replace the opiates in my system and also place a blocker in my system so should i decided to ever smoke heroin again it will have no effect on me?

So thats all the technical stuff to my situation at the moment, but what i want to do with this is not really tell you all the bits you could read up on in a book or ask a drug worker about.... i ant to give people an insight into the lengths we addicts go to to be deceitful, just to get what we want? The effort we put into our lies and the double life we create just to get through a day!!
Even the most honest smack heads will be full of lies if they feel there is even a small risk of their daily heroin supply being under threat?!

I have to go for today but i must tell this first...
last night i got caught in the act for the first time!!! I went to put the washing on the upstairs radiators..... with my handbag in tow... (give away number 1!) then i was gone for about 20 mins..... (give away number 2) then i burnt it... frying it on the foil making the most ungodly smell?! (that was pretty much game over?!) but determined to be more clever than my would be capture.....i quickly shoved it in my handbag and began folding the towels that were nearby..... Great i thought!!! until he walked in&said "whats that smell?"
as hard as i tried i couldn't stop the mass of smoke from escaping my mouth as i tried to answer..... so as i stood there with my head in a self formed cloud i decided that now wasn't the time for denial?! so i had to admit to it.... was i happy about it? far from it? but i couldn't lie (this time? otherwise chances are i would have) So armed with the information of my appointment next week i confessed....

now next week is almost only 6 days away and im feeling excited but apprehensive?

thats my lot for now, my arse is numb and my cravings are calling, im ashamed to say but thats how it is. so more tomorrow when i will be one day closer to normality....?